Extract from chapter 33
1796: Kintbury
Cassandra was invited to stay with Tom Fowle and his family in Kintbury over the Christmas season. He was due to sail overseas in the new year with the 7th Baron Lord Craven and was keen to spend as much time as possible with his sweetheart before he left.
Photo: Tredegar House, Newport, Wales.
Photo: St. Mary's Churchyard, Kintbury, Berkshire
“Lord Craven has promised that I will be presented with a living in Shropshire upon my return,” he informed his fiancée as they strolled through the village. “Then we can finally set the date for our wedding.”
“I cannot wait,” agreed Cassandra. “But honestly Tom, all I can think of for now is the danger you will be in on your voyage. Please promise me you will keep safe.”
“I will promise anything you wish,” Tom replied, giving her his best loving gaze. “I am as eager to return home as you are, so for that reason alone I will not let myself come to any harm.”
The voyage was headed to the West Indies where every ship, it seemed to Cassandra, was sailing these days. He was to accompany Lord Craven’s regiment as part of the huge convoy following behind her brother Frank.
“I will not see any conflict,” Tom stressed. “I have been assured on that many times.”
Lord Craven’s private yacht was to sail a little way apart from the main troops and Tom was travelling as his private chaplain. The threat to his safety was minimal.
Photo: HMS Victory, Historic Dockyards, Portsmouth.
Photo: HMS Victory, Historic Dockyards, Portsmouth.
“I will write to you every day,” he promised. “And whenever I meet a ship heading back to England, I will hail the captain and pass him all my correspondence. Then I will tell him to make sure it is delivered to you the minute he is back on dry land.”
He kissed Cassandra on the forehead, and she laughed at the image his words had painted in her mind.
“You will have so many bundles of letters from every ship,” he continued jovially, “that everyone in the navy will know how much you are in my thoughts!”
They turned to walk back towards the house in silence, both enjoying the closeness of their linked arms, which pulled them together, side by side. Tom was thoughtful, wondering if he should speak of the one thing that pressed on his mind.
“I was not sure if I should tell you this, but now that our separation is near, I feel it should not be kept a secret.”
Photo: Public road, Kintbury, Berkshire.
Photo: HMS Victory, Historic Dockyards, Portsmouth.
Cassandra was alarmed at how solemn he had become and watched his chestnut brown eyes seek stability in the middle distance. For the first time since they had been together in Kintbury, she recognised how vulnerable he was. He was fresher-faced than all his brothers, and his innocent features had still not lost their boyhood appeal. How was it right that he should be allowed to travel on such a perilous voyage?
“It is nothing so terrible,” he sought to placate her, catching the fear in her eyes. Cassandra stopped walking to give him her full attention.
“It is regarding my will. I want you to know that I have named you as my beneficiary.”
Cassandra gasped and the colour drained from her face.
“My estate and belongings shall be dealt with by my father, but my money I will leave to you. It is not much, but it pleases me to know that you will be comfortable, should I not return.”
Photo: Extract of the will for Thomas Fowle. The National Archives; Kew, Surrey, England; Records of the Prerogative Court of Canterbury, Series PROB 11; Class: PROB 11; Piece: 1292
Photo: HMS Victory, Historic Dockyards, Portsmouth.
This made Cassandra cry. She was unable to find the words for such an abrupt announcement; she busied herself wiping her eyes with her handkerchief, whilst Tom wrapped her in his arms and soothed her as best as he could.
“Please don’t upset yourself, my sweet Cassy. I say this only because I love you and I want you to know how very much.”
“But I don’t want to talk of your will. Or your money. I don’t want you to go away at all!”
Tom continued to hold her whilst she sobbed into his shoulder.
“The way I feel now, Tom, I don’t care if we never get married. I only want you to be safe. I would sacrifice all the money in the world to walk by your side like we are doing now and stay poor as we are if it meant you would not leave me.”
“I promise you we will walk side by side for the rest of our lives. We will wear out the soles of our boots together until the time comes when we can no longer leave our chairs.”
Photo: No.1 Royal Crescent Museum, Bath.
Photo: Jane Austen Centre, Bath.
His last remark made Cassandra smile and she fought to compose herself.
“You mean everything to me, sweet Cassy,” he continued. “I have only done what any man would do to provide for the woman he loves. It is a common business transaction, nothing more, and what God would expect of me.”
“Well, in that case, I thank you for being so kind.” She tried her utmost to replicate her lover’s tone and force the conversation away from her morbid imaginings. “I assure you that your gesture is appreciated. But please, from now on, let us talk only of happy things.”
“Agreed.” Tom took Cassandra’s arm once more and they resumed their walk.
“So blue for the kitchen, you say?” He stumbled on as if the prior fit of passion had never taken place.
“That’s right,” confirmed Cassandra, with a false ardour. “It is the best colour to repel the flies.”
“Very well, blue it is. What do you say for the parlour…?”
Photo: Tredegar House, Newport, Wales.
Photo: Public road, Kintbury, Berkshire.
The days they spent together in Kintbury were truly wonderful but passed all too quickly. When the morning arrived for Tom’s departure, Cassandra fought to remain calm. She clutched his hand tightly, pushing her prayers into his skin. When she was forced to let go so that he could take leave of his mother and father, all she could do then was watch him leave.
She had so much wanted to be brave and to wish him well with a happy smile, but her tears streamed freely, regardless. Mrs Fowle stood by her side and rubbed her back as they both watched the horses into the distance.
“We must bear it the best we can,” she instructed her daughter-in-law-to-be. “We must look forward to when that carriage returns, and not dwell upon it leaving.”
Photo: Arlington Court Carriage Museum, Barnstaple, Devon.
Photo: St. Mary's Church, Kintbury, Berkshire.
Cassandra attempted a smile.
“And if I am not mistaken, we have a wedding to prepare for. That will keep us busy!”
Mrs Fowle was being exceedingly kind, but somehow this only made Cassandra feel worse.
“What if he never comes back?” she sobbed.
Copyright Diane Jane Ball 2023